I keep thinking that things will become boring someday

It has been six months since I last wrote a blog entry. I have thought about it a lot and I have meant to write but I was waiting for things to slow down. Well, they haven't slowed down any, if anything they are crazier than ever. You would think after two battles with cancer, a massive surgical reorganization of my body and mind, the loss of a relationship, the loss of a job, a year of near-terminal frustration over a pseudo-job, and a move to California, you would think that things would slow down a bit. But NO, the day I left for California, one of my closest friends in Arizona moved in on my ex (granted he is my ex, but still) and they have been living happily ever after, while I slog along here, alone, in an empty apartment, without even a little kitty to keep me company.

Sometimes I think it's time to quit all this. I get down and depressed because it just doesn't seem to make much sense but then I stop.

I think of how worthwhile life really is. I think of those things that do have meaning for me, not my body, or past, or the things that haven't turned out perfectly. I think of the other 97% of my life.

I think about how much I enjoy my work now,
or how I love reading...,
reading the New Yorker,
or the Dragon Tattoo books,
or the biography of Benjamin Franklin,
or David Sedaris.
I think of making something lovely
or painting a table or shelf for my boys.
I think of how much I am enjoying living somewhere I have known my whole life
but never experienced before,
looking at the leaves swaying right outside my window,
how lovely the breeze feels
and how I want to share all this with my boys.
Then I know why I put up with the crap.
I want to teach my boys,
to share with them,
to be with them,
and all the other stuff is just static.

I guess I will have to find some time to keep this blog going, because it is a small way that I can write and be read, even if it is to a small audience. Thanks for reading.