My sister, Tracy, left yesterday after visiting for 4 days and helping me to get this house in order a bit. It was great to have her here to talk to and hang with. She worked really hard and did lots of meal preparation, making sure that I was eating well. It was hard to see her go but she got me through the toughest days of the recovery. Also, she kept the lonliness at bay.
I had a check-up with my oncologist today. It wasn't very eventful actually and I guess I should be happy for that.
I went in after sleeping until 9:00 AM. I actually felt like I got enough sleep but I was still tired. I got dressed in some yoga pants and a blouse that, although it made me look pregnant, didn't make me look like I had a drainage bulb hanging from my neck. I didn't have the energy to put on make-up or jewelry so I felt a bit unfinished but at least I didn't look like the disaster that I felt like.
Fortunately, I was called into the back relatively quickly, without being hounded by the financial folks. I guess my yelling at the financial assistant last time gave them the message that I wasn't too interested in talking to them about my outstanding balance.
Both Dr. Taetle and Mary Lynn, his assistant, came in and talked to me. They looked at the surgery site and discussed my hormone levels. According to the last blood test, I am post-menopausal but according to the previous tests, my hormone levels were off the charts. Go figure! If I am acually post-menopausal, they can start me on another drug instead of the tamoxifen. So I need to have another blood test to determine where I really am.
I was told to make an appt with Dr Croghan, my radiation oncologist. I will need to see her to determine how long I will have to have radiation and when I can start. I can't really plan anything or even look ahead until I know those things. I really feel like my life is on hold. And subsequently, so is Oscar's life since he is so tied up with everything that is going on with me.
I asked Dr. Taetle some questions about this recurrence and what it means for the future. Well, I hate to say it, but he didn't have any good news for me. It wasn't all doom and gloom but there is no up side to this latest tumor that I can see. So, we're back to "one day at a time" which I had just begun thinking I could up to one year at a time. No such luck!
Thanks again for all the love and concern that you are all showing. It is amazing how much it helps just to know that you all are out there, thinking of me and the boys. We feel the positive energy of your love and support. Keep it coming!
Monday, June 29, 2009
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
Surgery was a success
Yesterday I went in for a lumpectomy, also known as a partial mastectomy. I wasn't nervous or worried as I had been through a similar surgery already. In fact, I have been through so many surgeries in the past few years that I was beginning to feel like an old hand at it. When asked if I had any questions, I said, no, I've done it so many times that I know what to expect.
Fortunately, there were no glitches. I got into the operating room talking about hamburgers (that's what the anesthesia does to you) and came out of the anesthesia with a sore throat from the breathing tube. They sure don't give you much time for recovery. As my IV was being removed, the nurse kept telling me to keep my eyes open and not fall back asleep, I'm sure because they couldn't release me if I wasn't conscious.
So they hustled me out to the entrance where Oscar and my friend, Heidi, were waiting. It was so sweet of Heidi to come see me. She got all of 3 minutes to say hi and give me a hug and then we were off home.
I walked in the house, fell into bed and Oscar had to remove my sunglasses. I slept for a while and felt fine. We started off slowly on the food just because the nurses told us to but I was famished from fasting since midnight the night before. When Oscar wasn't looking, I went into the kitchen, ate about 20 tortilla chips, a huge bowl of yogurt with berries, and made myself another cup of tea. Luckily, I had no nausea and didn't throw up, because that would not have been pretty.
The boys came home and were glad to see me awake and able to take hugs. Oscar urged them not to touch my torso because not only do I have the wound all bandaged up, but I have a drain. I was hoping to avoid having a drain this time, but since there was a cavity left from my last surgery, Dr. Roeder said that it was necessary. Besides it's better to have a drain than to have to go back to the hospital to have the wound draind there.
So, now the boys desperately want mommy to play "Show & Tell" where I let them see the bandages and the drain. I said that they had to wait til later on today when I am feeling more up to it. They will love it, cuz it's pretty gross and little boys love that stuff.
In the mean time, I have watched four episodes of Michael Palin's "Around the World in 80 Days." I am also just devouring "100 Years of Solitude" and all the New Yorkers I can get my hands on. I am working on some short stories of my own and responding to my email. And when I get tired of doing all those things, I take a nap. So no need to worry about me, unless of course I run out of reading material.
Thanks for all the calls and good wishes. I am well cared for and I feel really loved. I miss all my friends and family who I don't get to see often but I am thinking of all of you. I will write more soon, but it may not be about cancer. Til then .....
Fortunately, there were no glitches. I got into the operating room talking about hamburgers (that's what the anesthesia does to you) and came out of the anesthesia with a sore throat from the breathing tube. They sure don't give you much time for recovery. As my IV was being removed, the nurse kept telling me to keep my eyes open and not fall back asleep, I'm sure because they couldn't release me if I wasn't conscious.
So they hustled me out to the entrance where Oscar and my friend, Heidi, were waiting. It was so sweet of Heidi to come see me. She got all of 3 minutes to say hi and give me a hug and then we were off home.
I walked in the house, fell into bed and Oscar had to remove my sunglasses. I slept for a while and felt fine. We started off slowly on the food just because the nurses told us to but I was famished from fasting since midnight the night before. When Oscar wasn't looking, I went into the kitchen, ate about 20 tortilla chips, a huge bowl of yogurt with berries, and made myself another cup of tea. Luckily, I had no nausea and didn't throw up, because that would not have been pretty.
The boys came home and were glad to see me awake and able to take hugs. Oscar urged them not to touch my torso because not only do I have the wound all bandaged up, but I have a drain. I was hoping to avoid having a drain this time, but since there was a cavity left from my last surgery, Dr. Roeder said that it was necessary. Besides it's better to have a drain than to have to go back to the hospital to have the wound draind there.
So, now the boys desperately want mommy to play "Show & Tell" where I let them see the bandages and the drain. I said that they had to wait til later on today when I am feeling more up to it. They will love it, cuz it's pretty gross and little boys love that stuff.
In the mean time, I have watched four episodes of Michael Palin's "Around the World in 80 Days." I am also just devouring "100 Years of Solitude" and all the New Yorkers I can get my hands on. I am working on some short stories of my own and responding to my email. And when I get tired of doing all those things, I take a nap. So no need to worry about me, unless of course I run out of reading material.
Thanks for all the calls and good wishes. I am well cared for and I feel really loved. I miss all my friends and family who I don't get to see often but I am thinking of all of you. I will write more soon, but it may not be about cancer. Til then .....
Friday, June 19, 2009
A moving World War II account
Some years back, I heard about a book on NPR. NPR is a good source for interesting and intelligent literature and more that once I have gone in search of something recommended on one of the programs. This time it was called Address Unknown by a not-so-famous writer named Katherine Kressman Taylor. The story takes place prior to the start of WWII and it was about the correspondence between two men. It was somewhat reminiscent of 84 Charing Cross Road.
After hearing about the book, I immediately checked the library catalog but they didn't have a copy. I then went to Bookman's, the local used book store, but there wasn't a copy to be had. I looked in a few of the local bookstores but still no sign of Address Unknown. Finally I was forced to go online. Even so, it was tough to find the book. I finally came across it and soon it was in my hands. I was surprised to see that it was really just a tiny little book. Only about, 6 inches by 6 inches, and about 60 pages long, it was like a little gem that could be easily hidden among the multitude of other larger books that littered my night table.
I sat down to read the book and finished it in about two sittings. It was as enjoyable and surprising as I had expected. It was a touching and disturbing story told via a series of letters. I have heard that the story has been presented on the stage by actors reading the letters.I heard this from my friend, Suzanne Taylor.
It's a funny thing about Suzanne. I was driving her home from summer camp a week ago. We were talking about family and she was describing her husband's family. She told me that her mother-in-law had been a writer. Well, this sparked my interest because of my love of writing. She said that her mother-in-law had written one book that received some critical acclaim, but when she mentioned the title of the book, Address Unknown, I was absolutely stunned. It's one thing to find out that someone you know has written a book that you've heard of, but to find out that they wrote a book that you admire, that's a different story. I screamed "No Way!" while I was driving and I think I scared the wits out of Suzanne. She recovered quickly though and told me the story of how a few years back, the publishing company decided to do a brief re-release of the book. So they reprinted the book and began selling copies.
It wasn't until one of her kids noticed the book on a shelf at a bookstore that he said, hey wait a minute. He contacted his mom and asked her if she knew that her book had been reprinted. She didn't so they contacted the publisher. Apparently, the publisher couldn't imagine that the author would still be alive 60 years after the original publication of the book, so they just assumed that she had died. They made arrangements with her for royalties and the book was re-released. It was one of those re-released copies that I got.
Although I never met Katherine Taylor, I feel as though I had, knowing the personal stories that Suzanne shared with me about her life, about how she lived in Gettysburg, PA, how she worked and raised her kids, and about her husband. It seems so strange to know those things about a writer but in some ways, it seems natural to know them about the author of this book. It is a real treasure and one that I hope to reread many times.
After hearing about the book, I immediately checked the library catalog but they didn't have a copy. I then went to Bookman's, the local used book store, but there wasn't a copy to be had. I looked in a few of the local bookstores but still no sign of Address Unknown. Finally I was forced to go online. Even so, it was tough to find the book. I finally came across it and soon it was in my hands. I was surprised to see that it was really just a tiny little book. Only about, 6 inches by 6 inches, and about 60 pages long, it was like a little gem that could be easily hidden among the multitude of other larger books that littered my night table.
I sat down to read the book and finished it in about two sittings. It was as enjoyable and surprising as I had expected. It was a touching and disturbing story told via a series of letters. I have heard that the story has been presented on the stage by actors reading the letters.I heard this from my friend, Suzanne Taylor.
It's a funny thing about Suzanne. I was driving her home from summer camp a week ago. We were talking about family and she was describing her husband's family. She told me that her mother-in-law had been a writer. Well, this sparked my interest because of my love of writing. She said that her mother-in-law had written one book that received some critical acclaim, but when she mentioned the title of the book, Address Unknown, I was absolutely stunned. It's one thing to find out that someone you know has written a book that you've heard of, but to find out that they wrote a book that you admire, that's a different story. I screamed "No Way!" while I was driving and I think I scared the wits out of Suzanne. She recovered quickly though and told me the story of how a few years back, the publishing company decided to do a brief re-release of the book. So they reprinted the book and began selling copies.
It wasn't until one of her kids noticed the book on a shelf at a bookstore that he said, hey wait a minute. He contacted his mom and asked her if she knew that her book had been reprinted. She didn't so they contacted the publisher. Apparently, the publisher couldn't imagine that the author would still be alive 60 years after the original publication of the book, so they just assumed that she had died. They made arrangements with her for royalties and the book was re-released. It was one of those re-released copies that I got.
Although I never met Katherine Taylor, I feel as though I had, knowing the personal stories that Suzanne shared with me about her life, about how she lived in Gettysburg, PA, how she worked and raised her kids, and about her husband. It seems so strange to know those things about a writer but in some ways, it seems natural to know them about the author of this book. It is a real treasure and one that I hope to reread many times.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
After meeting the surgeon
I had an appointment with my surgeon yesterday. Her name is Dr. Vanessa Roeder. I liked her right away. She instilled confidence, had a sense of humor, and her hands weren't too cold. She did an ultrasound and it showed that, fortunately, the lump wasn't so close to the sternum that any bone would have to be removed. When bone removal is involved, it is more painful and involves more recovery time. I am really relieved that I won't have to deal with that.
The bad news is that it appears Dr. Roeder may have to perform a lumpectomy to remove the cancer and schedule the mastectomy for later. She needs to discuss my case with Dr. Croghan, my radiation oncologist, before she can determine what the actual treatment plan will be. If Dr. Croghan is in agreement with Dr. Roeder, it is possible that I will have the lumpectomy on Tuesday June 23rd and then have a series of radiation. After the radiation treatments, I would then have the bi-lateral mastectomy. The question as to whether reconstruction would be possible depends on how the radiation affects the skin and whether there is enough good skin to do reconstruction.
So at this point, it looks like I might have anywhere from 2 to 4 surgeries. They would include the lumpectomy, the mastectomy, the reconstruction and then the hysterectomy.
I suppose it's fortunate that I am not employed at this time. This is going to be a long, drawn out process. Of course, after the lumpectomy and the radiation, I can begin to work again. At this time, I am really tired and find that I am napping every day. Thank you everyone for all your good wishes. I truly appreciate them. I will try to write back but if you don't hear from me for a while, know that I am thinking of all of you and soaking up all your positive thoughts. It all really helps.
And those of you who are far away but want to do something, if you could just write me a note, that is the best help and support you can give. I get such a lift from all your notes and cards.
Check back soon for updates. Dr. Roeder said that she should know more about the surgery dates and follow-up by tomorrow. I hope that it's good news.
The bad news is that it appears Dr. Roeder may have to perform a lumpectomy to remove the cancer and schedule the mastectomy for later. She needs to discuss my case with Dr. Croghan, my radiation oncologist, before she can determine what the actual treatment plan will be. If Dr. Croghan is in agreement with Dr. Roeder, it is possible that I will have the lumpectomy on Tuesday June 23rd and then have a series of radiation. After the radiation treatments, I would then have the bi-lateral mastectomy. The question as to whether reconstruction would be possible depends on how the radiation affects the skin and whether there is enough good skin to do reconstruction.
So at this point, it looks like I might have anywhere from 2 to 4 surgeries. They would include the lumpectomy, the mastectomy, the reconstruction and then the hysterectomy.
I suppose it's fortunate that I am not employed at this time. This is going to be a long, drawn out process. Of course, after the lumpectomy and the radiation, I can begin to work again. At this time, I am really tired and find that I am napping every day. Thank you everyone for all your good wishes. I truly appreciate them. I will try to write back but if you don't hear from me for a while, know that I am thinking of all of you and soaking up all your positive thoughts. It all really helps.
And those of you who are far away but want to do something, if you could just write me a note, that is the best help and support you can give. I get such a lift from all your notes and cards.
Check back soon for updates. Dr. Roeder said that she should know more about the surgery dates and follow-up by tomorrow. I hope that it's good news.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Not what I would expect to write about
When I started this blog, I was planning to write about traveling, my travels, stories of other people's trips and all the wonders of knowing the world personally. I never expected to be posting the news about my latest health crisis. Nonetheless, during my last encounter with the dreaded BC (breast cancer) I found the blog to be the easiest way to keep everyone updated and informed about my circumstances. It also eliminated the need for me to update everyone individually. So here I am again, blogging about my health.
For those of you who don't know, I have been diagnosed with recurrent breast cancer. It is early and isolated. It is not a new cancer, but a recurrence of the old cancer. This is good because it means that the cancer didn't travel through my system to pop up again. It is a small lump located on the left side of my breast near my sternum.
I have seen my oncologist, Dr. Raymond Taetle, and he says that I should have it removed as soon as possible but that I wouldn't need any chemotherapy. I will have a rigorous series of radiation treatments though. This is also good news because it means that it will be a much less traumatic experience for the boys in that I will not lose my hair and I will not spend three months barely able to get out of bed.
Under the circumstances, I have opted for the most aggressive approach to this cancer that I can think of and that includes a double mastectomy and a complete hysterectomy. This seems to be called for since the new lump appeared even though I am on hormone suppression therapy. So apparently my body is producing enough hormones to feed a new tumor regardless of what drugs I am taking.
I am currently unemployed so I will have time to go through the surgeries and treatment and take the time I need to recover fully. I am not worried about the cancer so much now as I am how I will handle all the changes my body will go through. I am also concerned about how the boys will handle the "new" me. But we will cross that bridge when we come to it.
Well, I appreciate all your support. I am very fortunate because I am surrounded by good people and I now have a really good local support system that I didn't have before. I feel that I will be well taken care of. So don't worry, just hold positive thoughts.
For those of you who don't know, I have been diagnosed with recurrent breast cancer. It is early and isolated. It is not a new cancer, but a recurrence of the old cancer. This is good because it means that the cancer didn't travel through my system to pop up again. It is a small lump located on the left side of my breast near my sternum.
I have seen my oncologist, Dr. Raymond Taetle, and he says that I should have it removed as soon as possible but that I wouldn't need any chemotherapy. I will have a rigorous series of radiation treatments though. This is also good news because it means that it will be a much less traumatic experience for the boys in that I will not lose my hair and I will not spend three months barely able to get out of bed.
Under the circumstances, I have opted for the most aggressive approach to this cancer that I can think of and that includes a double mastectomy and a complete hysterectomy. This seems to be called for since the new lump appeared even though I am on hormone suppression therapy. So apparently my body is producing enough hormones to feed a new tumor regardless of what drugs I am taking.
I am currently unemployed so I will have time to go through the surgeries and treatment and take the time I need to recover fully. I am not worried about the cancer so much now as I am how I will handle all the changes my body will go through. I am also concerned about how the boys will handle the "new" me. But we will cross that bridge when we come to it.
Well, I appreciate all your support. I am very fortunate because I am surrounded by good people and I now have a really good local support system that I didn't have before. I feel that I will be well taken care of. So don't worry, just hold positive thoughts.
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